Woke up this morning feeling not right. I figured that my morning walk should take care of that so despite my crankiness I dragged myself out of bed and out the door. One look at the sky above me catapulted me into a tirade of anger, anxiety and rage. They were spraying in the sky again! “Dam chemtrails” I screamed! The elements echoed my sentiments and the wind raged with me. I really didn't feel any better coming back into my place after my walk. All of a sudden, I heard a message loud and clear in my mind “Go see the animals!!” then a vision of Bonnie Springs Ranch appeared before my face. I asked both my parents if they wanted to go see the animals. They initially rejected the idea then changed their mind as I was walking out the door.
We walked around the pond and as the wind sand-blasted my face I silently apologized to the birds for humans stupidity and arrogance. My anger lessened as I took in all the desert beauty around me. Then I remembered Raven who is in a large cage off in the back by the horse stables. When you speak his name he will speak back to you. My heart soared with joy when I saw him. It was the first time all day that I felt light in my being. I got as close to the cage as possible, stood on my tippy toes and started talking to him. I said to him “I wish I remember your name because I would love to hear your voice.” I couldn't remember and he remained silent but we stared long into each others eyes. I asked him what he was eating and he responded by hopping over in front of me and showing me his beak. He then began to “pose” for me, moving his head in different directions. Showing me his very long sharp beak. I could see the little gray hairs coming down from the underside. When I bent down to look at his very long tail feathers he lowered his tail for me so I could see it below his shelf. Then I moved back on my tippy toes and moved my face practically up to the bars. I wanted to see every feather, every variation of color. He had perfect opportunity to peck my eye out. Complete trust between us. I could feel my parents waiting for me so I said goodbye and started to walk away. As I started to turn to walk away something incredible happened. Raven locked eyes with me then dipped his head downward and forward, sticking his long beak out of the cage pointing directly at me. I stopped dead in my tracks. I literally could not move my feet. I turned back around and walked up to the cage. He stood back up. I started to walk away again and Raven bowed his head down and forward again! Beak pointing directly me, eyes intense. Again I literally could not move, only to turn around and walk back to the cage. “hmmm” I wondered. He stood back up so I started to leave and it happened a third time! I laughed out loud at this point and walked back up to him. I looked him in the eyes and said “What are you trying to tell me?” I listened but couldn't hear anything. He stood back up so I turned around to leave. This time I was allowed to leave but I felt the strangest thing. I was super dizzy and lightheaded. My folks must have noticed me stumbling and walking funny. If they did, they didn't say anything. The rest of the morning with the animals was blissful and fun. My folks and I said goodbye to the animals, walked the old tiny town and went home. The intense rage and anger had subsided dramatically and my mood was lifted.
All day long I kept thinking of Raven, pondering our strange interaction and wondering what he was trying to tell me. In meditation that evening I held the image of Raven in my mind as I let the crystal bowls lead my consciousness out of this realm. I was in a nature scene but I was alone. I felt my body roll over onto my left side and had this vision of black stuff being pulled out. I saw and felt the hands of mother earth hovering below me, pulling. This pulling did not last very long then I was gone. Later that evening lying in bed as I was continuing to process the memory came to me of my early work with clients when I worked with Raven. In those journeys Raven would appear and using his beak would PULL dark energy from their spiritual bodies and throw it away! All of a sudden I was catapulted back into the scene from earlier in the day and recognized that not only was a real live actual Raven doing to me what I've seen them do in my journeys but that the raging wind had stopped completely while this was happening! All that rage and anger that I had towards humans was pulled out of me by a large raven...in a cage...
Deep gratitude and humbleness.
November 2017. I arrived in Kewlona, BC Canada for the second time in a year for a week long private intensive yoga study with Jada Tam. Little did I know that I would find a piece of me that I had been searching for since I began my healing journey 21 years ago. A few hours after I arrived the snow began to fall and did not let up until I left 7 days later. Everyone was taken by surprise, the snow came early that year and was unexpected. In the first 24 hours after stepping off the plane 2 feet of snow had fallen. Sacred. Innocence. That was the theme throughout our yoga training that was held at a tiny Waldorf school in the middle of the forest. Cold, cold. Made living off grid very interesting! I quickly became friends with fire. There were three other women in class with me so our training was very intimate. On the second to the last day of our training we decided to gather together in front of the fire at Jada's 5th wheel in the forest for what I thought was going to be a celebration/sing along. We got the fire raging and sat in our tiny space barely big enough for all five of us to sit. The room started to heat up and the windows fogged while the snow fell gently outside. Jada began to rattle my sacred clearing rattle made for me by a Cree Medicine man intensely into the fire while I drummed the Elk hide drum that I had made. I began to drift into a trance state when I heard a male voice say to me sternly and loudly "Go find her". I knew who he was talking about. My excitement grew when I realized that it was time to bring her home, that piece of me that I hadn't been able to find nor the many other shamans who had worked on me before could find. As my drum sped up I crashed through the edge of the forest. I was gigantic! I towered over the trees and could see multi-colored feathers stretching out above me that were somehow attached to my back. I looked down into the meadow in front of me and saw at the other edge a small child. Her back was to me and she was kneeling at the rivers edge (a place that I have always found great peace and solace). When I looked into the sky directly above her I saw the dark place where I was sent every time I put under with Ether before my surgeries. A barbaric and violent way to be put to sleep that luckily is no longer practiced. I saw a tiny body the same age as the child at the rivers edge floating in the blackness and watched her being hit and tossed around by giant woofers. My giant hands and arms reached up and took her from that horrible place and brought her gently to my heart where she buried her face in my breast. I was overcome with love and a joy so great that I don't even have words. "I found you." I said. We then stood under a beautiful healing waterfall full of sparkly light. I pulled her into me. Integration. She told me that she was waiting for me to re-connect, that she couldn't come home until I healed my relationship with food and my body. When I returned to my body after the journey I felt warm and at peace. We ended the evening in silence. After the girls left and Jada went to sleep, I remained with the fire in gratitude until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I left two days later. After I returned home I was told that it stopped snowing and the sun came out after my flight had left. Gratitude. Integration.
I knew from the multiple visions leading up to my journey into the forest that this was going to be a life-altering event for me. In one of my waking visions I was split in two, one of me was looking at health test results and being completely confused and the other me was standing in a dark forest with Native medicine men crowding in on me, looking down at me saying over and over "It doesn't matter". Another waking vision was triggered by a wise French boy about the age of 4 or 5 who came to my Earth Ceremony about a week before I took off for the forest. I was speaking to his mother after the ceremony when Elansola popped his head in front of my face, looked me in the eye and said "Nature is Life!!' As soon as he finished the phrase I had a powerful vision of large dark green leaves brushing against my face, as if I was walking through a dense rain forest. I could see, smell and feel the leaves clearly. I had to gather myself before I could respond to this beautiful child. I smiled and said "yes, nature is life." Oftentimes we don't know how significant an experience will be until long after it has happened and we've had time to process. With the visions that kept coming I knew ahead of time. I was being prepared.
When I was in the air heading to Canada, I hadn't eaten nor slept in 3 days. My body was in bad shape. I was hungry but in pain. I was incredibly weak from months of painful tummy episodes. I actually almost passed out up in the air. It doesn't matter how pressurized a plane is, if you are sick or your body is off, being high in the air is going to mess with it. Earth Goddess/Medicine Momma Jada Tam picked me up at the airport in Canada and immediately started to challenge my beliefs about my body. I didn't even notice the giant lake as we made our long journey into the woods to their land. When we arrived on her land Jada challenged my fear of hurting my body with food by making me a bowl of rice with lots of healing herbs like ginger, garlic, tummeric, cumin, etc. Not only did I eat that big bowl of rice but she then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to hike to the creek. Water is my element so of course I said yes. Little did I know that it was an 18 acre hike UP the mountain to get to the creek. Definitely slowed down towards the end but Jada would give Silva a plant lesson while they waited for me to catch up. I made it. In just those few hours of stepping on Canadian soil I had already learned that my body was WAY stronger than I even imagined. That's when we became friends - my body and I. When my belly was acting strange later that evening I told my belly it is safe to digest this food, it is medicine from momma earth. My belly immediately settled down and I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning (official day 1 of the retreat) to see a deer outside the window of the camper I was staying in, munching on the plants from mother earth. Powerful - and we were just getting started! We hadn't even arrived at the lake yet!
Riding through the forest on a remote logging road up to the top of the cliff to our retreat destination was an intense experience in itself! There was a moment where I felt us cross an energetic threshold. It was like that moment in Wizard of Oz when she steps from the black and white world into the world of technicolor. The energy was so intense! I felt the energy from every leaf, stone, creature, tree and more. I was in heavenly bliss as the forest energy bathed every cell in my body. I could hear and feel everything. The forest was loud with conversation. I always felt connected to mother earth. I had NO idea how deep that connection can go! Nature is Life! Nature is Healing! Nature is Powerful!
The second morning of the retreat - first morning waking up at the lake and before Yoga, I wrote the following at the top of my journal entry. "The forest has healed me and I will never be the same." Jada had reminded me that I have already done all the work, I have done all the clearing and releasing. We had a conversation on the boat dock surrounded by lushness everywhere and Jada told me "It is time to move forward! The clearing and healing has been done. Whatever happened before is gone. It doesn't matter! (flashback to one of my visions with the native men). Now is the time to restore!' Later that same evening a medicine man came to speak about the forest and it's spirit. The first words that came out of his mouth were "You don't have to eat a lot of earth medicine to be healed. The forest is alive and knows your needs. The forest gives off energy and will heal you."
The story of the above picture played out like this...
I had developed a very itchy rash while I was in Canada. I believe it was my body's reaction to the sun and the humidity. It happened before when I visited another lake. That evening we were to do a canoe trip with dinner on another beach and rowing back under the full moon. It was the one thing I was most excited to do since water is my element and this desert dweller had the chance to go on a lake! Well, I decided to listen to my body and not go as I figured that the water mixed with the sun would just make me feel worse. As everyone carried the canoes to the water and loaded them up, I was on the cliff top with the chef and 2 staff breaking open a bottle of chocolate wine to share. My leg was in agony and no amount of cottonwood salve was going to help so I just started to paint on my leg. The itching started to subside with each paint stroke. My consciousness was in the forest and I barely noticed when the chef set down a plate of vegan lasagna on the deck. I took a break and blessed my body with food then started to paint again. I noticed a shadow above me and looked up in time to see a bald eagle soar closely over my head to land on a tree near the deck. It watched me then flew over me again. At this time I heard Doug and Julia approach. Perfect timing with the eagle and finishing up my masterpiece. I was done painting the forest up my leg. My body started buzzing as my consciousness fully returned. For some strange reason, I could not take pictures of it myself. I just couldn't bring myself to do it when I picked up my camera. Spirit was stopping me. Doug offered to take pictures of my leg. I felt honored since I've seen his work and the end result of me taking care of my body was four hours worth of paint that told a story. After the photo shoot I was called urgently into the forest by spirit to do a blessing. I ran to my cabin room, grabbed a warm shirt and water, then headed down the mountain short-cutting through the forest. The plan was to go down to the water, do a blessing then hike up the path along the cliff side as quickly as possible. It was a race against the sun...
...to be continued...
I had never had a cat before. In fact, up until a few months prior to getting her I was terrified of them. I was totally a dog person. Luckily I had a lot of friends who were cat people and they helped me to understand their behavior. I became fascinated with them as they are very energetically sensitive beings, which I obviously can relate. When Seena came to live with me I was at a time in my life where I was awakening and doing a lot of healing. I was learning how to cope with anxiety and fear without the medication I became addicted to but every once in a while the fear would come and I wouldn't be able to stop it. I'll never forget the first time Seena stopped me from having a panic attack. In fact, it was only a few days after I brought her home. I was sitting on the couch when the fear came hard and fast. I began to panic even more when I realized that I had no "drugs" to help. I started to sink further and further. Next thing I knew I felt four paws walking over my belly (she must have climbed up the couch!) and she settled directly over my heart! She placed her paws on my neck and began to knead while she licked my neck. This later was called her neck-licking treatment which she did almost every night and morning thereafter for 13 years. Then she began to purr and the energy and feeling of her purr penetrated into my heart. I became incredibly present. There was just me and her and this AMAZING vibration that I had never experienced before. I was in bliss. As soon as I realized that my panic attack had actually stopped Seena walked away. I could have sworn I heard her say "OK, you're good." Once I put her on the floor she started playing and doing normal kitten stuff.
COSMIC CRYSTAL CONNECTION
Seena was with me when I started my studies with healing energy. While she was never a fan of Reiki (too sensitive to energy), she had a HUGE love of crystals! I could literally cover her in crystals and she would just lay there all blissed out. Every time I came home with a new crystal I would reach into my bag and would say to her "Do you want to see what I got?" Her eyes would get so big and she would prance over to me. (see above slideshow of Seena with her crystal collections) Seena would approach the crystal gently and slowly and would place her nose or paw on it as if to feel the vibrations. Despite her extreme sensitivity to energy one of her favorite crystals surprisingly is Moldavite! Seena would head-butt and rub all over my head when I would put a large chunk of it on my third eye then she would lay on my chest with her face close to mine. She would lay very still, her eyes would close half way and her head would begin to slowly drop. Apparently she is a cosmic kitty as well! Seena would also lay down in the middle of any crystal grid that I would make. Seena's crystal journey started with the following incident. I had just learned how to make a distance healing grid using crystals so I set my intentions and built the grid while Seena watched. I charged the grid with healing energy then Seena jumped up and sat in the middle of the grid. I was suddenly irritated and I went to grab her. As soon as I picked her up I knew I was in trouble. The energy took a 180 turn then I heard all the crystals yell "Put her back! We invited her up here!" I tried to put her back but she was upset and ran off. Then I heard a crystal say "Now you need to take this apart and let her pick which ones she wants." I wasn't about to ignore them. I took apart the grid that I spent over an hour creating and lined them up in between us. Seena approached in her gentle reverent way and started to go down the line. Seena would stretch out her paw and touch the ones that she wanted. About halfway down the line she had already chosen three when I heard the message "She'll pick seven." Guess what? She picked seven which then became her first personal crystal grid. From that point on I understood her special connection with the stones of mother earth so I made sure that she had FULL access to any crystals and/or crystal grids. I had to watch my step when walking into my room.
DEATH-HER LAST TEACHING
I let Seena pass away naturally at home per her request when she became sick with heart failure. Watching her go through her death process was both insanely heartbreaking and incredibly awe-inspiring. She took her medicine for a few weeks then decided to not only stop her meds but stopped eating altogether. My initial reaction was very much human. I mean, she has been with me for 14 years. She was a HUGE part of my life. I begged her to stay, I tried to force her to take her meds. I did what most people probably would do. Then something clicked and I remembered "I'm a shaman! What am I doing?" I remembered where she is going. At that point I was able to put my grief aside so that I could help honor her request by making home a comfortable place. I cleaned my room top to bottom, sage smudged, prayed and put on her favorite music. (She was a huge fan of music! Pink Floyd and Dead Can Dance were her favorites! She also became extremely fond of Solfeggio frequencies especially towards the end.) Seena felt the difference immediately and came out to cuddle with me. Seena spent the last few weeks of her life popping into my Reiki and shamanic healing sessions. It wasn't unusual for a client of mine to report they saw a vision of a black and white cat. I watched her say goodbye to all the crystals (see slideshow). I watched her eat a bundle of dried flowers and herbs that sat on my alter untouched for over a year. A woman who came to my Women's Warrior Power Circle gifted me that bundle of herbs. It was incredibly symbolic for me on multiple levels - ask me about it sometime! I would watch her drift in and out of this realm. She was journeying! Sometimes she would stare intently at a point in the room. I knew that she had a visitor because I could feel them! The night she died I got a sudden urge to start writing her story. I frantically went onto my website and then my mom called me into her room. She excitedly said "Look at Seena!" and pointed to the floor. I looked and Seena was flat on her side. Her eyes were wide open and glassy. What struck me was the beautiful smile that was on her face! My mom and I looked at each other smiling. She said "She's smiling!" and I said "She's dead" at the exact same time. It wasn't until after I picked her up that she looked dead and gross. What a powerful experience. So, while it was difficult to lose her and sometimes torturous to watch her process it was also one of the most beautiful experiences we have been through together. Even in death she continued to teach me. I will forever be grateful that she came into my life. She's my little healer. I miss her.
*To all the light-workers out there who are not experiencing what is described below: Thank you for holding space for the Earth in this time of transition and being keepers of the sacred flame.*
Can you feel it? I heard a friend the other day exclaim "It sucks to be an empath right now!" I couldn't agree with her more. It seems like everyone around us is going insane in one way or another. Some of us may have gone so far as to question our own sanity over the past few months. Many of us are experiencing extreme feelings of rage, getting angry or very frustrated over little things that don't usually bother us. Many others are experiencing extreme feelings of sadness, hopelessness & grief. You may have cried out "What's going on?" Perhaps you received your own answer and it brought you peace. If you're still wondering why are we experiencing such extreme emotions and the world seems to be going insane, then you'll want to read on. I have a message for you and tips to deal with the intensity.
A powerful healer who worked on me said to me after our session a month ago "You know you're in the great purge." I laughed. Before I saw her I took a month off from my intense work/teaching schedule to travel. Completely unplanned and due to friends inviting me, I ended up in two cities where my childhood homes were and through ceremony in nature & energy work I experienced releasing and healing on a micro-cosmic cellular level. I went to see her to assist in the integration of the work I had done on myself and to find out what I needed to focus on going forward. What she said made sense to my situation. Later I was to find out the great purge is universal.
Here is the information that my higher self/intuition/spirit guides (all the same thing) passed on to me. The Earth is completing it's rise to a higher energetic level of vibration. Fear and everything that arises from fear are coming up to the surface BIG time so we can release this once and for all. We are all connected, we are all One.
Here are a few tips to deal with the intensity of these times! Some are a repeat of an earlier email and some are new based on the new energy:
1. Social & Regular Media Fast - Usually I find this one hard to follow. It was a breeze this time! Some people are purging in the most violent way, either taking out themselves or taking others down with them. People are appearing to lose their marbles and we can't figure out why no-one seems to notice. We're already feeling the energy of all this so there is no need to have visuals. We are at the height of negativity on social media. Even my most positive friends are breaking down. My advice is to step away. Take a break and work through what you are feeling so you can manifest peace within you. Hermit for a while if you need to. When we heal ourselves we heal the world.
2. Sound Healing! - Solfeggio Frequencies have been a life saver for me the past few months! This ancient sound healing scale is known for repairing DNA and moving energy to release blocks among many other benefits. I have literally stopped panic attacks in mid-flight and dissolved migraines with this music. Go to youTube and search Solfeggio frequencies and you'll find dozens of music videos. Or stop by Enchanted Forest Reiki Center and check out their vibro-accoustic sound therapy room. You can also contact Regina Murphy through her sounds for self healing website if you live in the valley. For my East Coast friends, check out my friend, Stephen Rossmeisl's sound studio at Sera Phi in Philadelphia. He's a brilliant composer and built a vibrating sound healing floor that is out of this world!!
3. Get out in Nature!! Do ceremony in Nature! In the fall of last year I was guided to start Women's Warrior Power Circle. In January I was guided to take that ceremony out into nature. Two months ago I was told to do more ceremonies in nature and also do my healing outside so I gave up my healing room. A few days ago another shaman told me that Sandra Ingerman and another well known shaman are calling this year, the year of ceremony. This confirms to me what I've been feeling for months. Mother Earth is calling us to raise our vibration with her and she'll help us! Doing ceremony out in nature helps us to re-connect. It's been scientifically proven that walking barefoot on the earth helps increase negative ions which help detoxify the body, releasing what no longer serves us on a cellular level. Why do you think you feel so good when you spend time out-doors? Ceremony in nature is a win/win proposition for mother earth and ourselves. We honor mother earth giving gifts of song, drumming, prayer, healing energy, love, gratitude, etc. In return she helps us release all that is negative and transmutes that energy to positive which comes back to us as a feeling of bliss, peace & connection. Almost every time we do ceremony outside we have wild animals come to visit and bring messages. I've hosted a dozen ceremonies outside in the past two months and every time I did it I have felt healing and a renewed optimism. Start now! Don't let heat stop you. Do ceremony before 10am and/or after 7pm.
4. Get healing work done on yourself by others! Just because we are healers doesn't mean we are meant to heal ourselves all the time. We need each other to learn and grow. Think in terms of abundance and taking care of yourself. Make the commitment and the funds will come. I have committed to paying for two sessions for myself a month. The funds came to me easily even though my account was dry at the time I made this decision. Trades are great, however, I feel there is an added bonus to paying for a session. Sometimes you need to invest in order to start the flow of abundance. Try something new if what you are doing is not working.
Recognize that we are in a period of amazing transformation even though it looks horribly ugly. You're only being shown one side of the story. Unplug and then plug into yourself. I took the opportunity of the intense energy I was feeling to use it to my advantage to help bring old things up to be healed and to work on myself on a cellular level. You can do the same. When we heal ourselves we heal the world. Now it is time to truly heal on a cellular level.
In 2015 I received energy attunements containing the symbols that were channeled to a friend of mine during one of her painting journeys. I can only describe the energy as galactic. It felt like the energy of a star, powerful but at the same time very comforting and healing. I was able to release a lot of very old "karmic" stuff that had been deeply rooted. What follows is a story of how my galactic journey began.
I've always believed in star beings but never gave them too much thought. My first connection with cosmic beings occurred about 10 years ago in Philadelphia, PA. I walked into my son's apartment on famous South Street to listen to them play music and watch them make art. It was a typical mid-week evening. Next thing I knew, a woman came in carrying a large, clear crystal skull. There was immediate recognition. I knew one of the Mayan crystal skulls was in town for an event. I wasn't into crystals at the time and certainly not skulls so my excitement was really unusual for me. I watched her hug one of the room-mates who is a yoga instructor and he made his introductions, not really paying much attention to the skull in her arms. I yelled out "Do you guys have any idea of the significance of this being here?!" The woman smiled and asked me if I wanted to hold it. The skull had a name but I can't remember what it is. She placed the skull in my hands which went immediately to my lap. I have never seen a more perfect crystal skull. There was not one crack or even variance in the color. It was perfect in every way. I tried to raise the skull to my forehead but as I lifted the skull got heavier and heavier until I had no choice but to bring my arms back down. I held it in my lap for a while blissing out on the energy. It was such a strange and surreal experience for me. That night I had dreams of floating in space. Sight-seeing the universe. I met my first shaman teacher shortly after that experience who mostly taught me how to journey for healing (soul retrievals, attachment removal, etc) which opened up the visual sense and third eye. When I moved out to the desert the star beings started coming to me more often in my dreams and journeys. Teaching me about love for our planet and all the beings living here. Teaching me about fear and how it leads to violence. Teaching me how to recognize light and darkness. I learned more about energy from them and how the earth sends out powerful energy into the universe just like a neutron star. These beautiful guides have also protected myself and my loved ones. My intention while working with star beings is to to connect with the energy of the cosmos for the greatest healing good of all.
Excerpt from a journey I had while drumming for private shamanism student.
Quick transition from listening to the drum to walking up through the clouds. I merged with Puma and I could see the silhouette of Dancing Raven, my psycho-pomp guide. He looked huge and powerful. We broke through the clouds and popped out into space. We soared higher and higher until we slammed into a neutron star. The brightness faded as we floated a few layers into the star. There was a pulsing crystal city. My excitement grew as Dancing Raven led me in a procession through a crystal temple. It felt like I was coming home. I started to analyze everything I was seeing and experiencing. Dancing Raven squeezed my hand and said "stay here, be present". There were many animal spirits with me including my wolf who is very large and bluish in color. I was placed on a throne and a cap made of crystal was placed on my head. My body in the physical world started to buzz. Dancing Raven placed his hands on my feet to balance the energies. Full body buzz. I sat on the crystal throne wearing the crystal cap and looked at my feet. The crystal ground around my feet began to turn to grass and flowers then spread. I heard cheering and felt joy as this new reality began to unfold around me. Spirit said "You and the others have the ability to create this world." My soul accepted and I began to chant in my mind with the beat of my drum, "love" "peace" "balance". My guide and I, with the help of the spirits of the land, pulled the vision of heaven into this reality. I was suddenly aware of feeling split. There was the physical me, drumming in the middle world, and the journeying me, with my guides and the dimension we just merged. I was again reminded that "What's true in our minds is true" and that we have the power to create our own paradise through the power of our thoughts.
I have always felt a deep connection with the natural world and would experience intense joy whenever I encountered animals. I believe that my connection explains my interest in Native American spirituality. Growing up in Arizona and Colorado exposed me to many Shamanic ceremonies (both public and private) in where I would watch the participants celebrate certain animals with dance, song and prayer. I was mesmerized! When I began studying with a shaman in my late 30's the first thing we did was find my power animal through my first "journey". When the shaman asked me what my power animal was I said very sarcastically and somewhat disappointed "It's a wolf." He laughed and said "Why are you so upset?" I told him that the wolf has always been my favorite animal. In other words, I didn't trust what I saw. I thought I was making it up. He smiled gently at me and said "Melissa, why do you think you've always felt connected to wolves?" Then he raised his eyebrow at me. After I did some research on the Native American view of wolves and their meaning, I realized why I have such a powerful connection with them! My belief in the power of animal totems increased when I quit my finance job to do healing work and teach full time. It was during one of my journey's right after quitting the corporate world when my wolf came to me and said that he would no longer be my power animal but that he would always remain with me. I became very upset and asked what I was going to do. Wolf said "She's going to take over as your power animal" then turned his head towards the beach on the edge of the forest. There was a beautiful black panther sunning herself on a large rock near the edge of the waves. When she noticed me looking she jumped down and slowly moved towards me as my wolf moved deeper into the forest. After the journey was over I thought to myself "That's odd. I'm not really into cats so I know I didn't make that up!" I was still doubting the practice at that time. When I read about Black Panther I couldn't believe what I was seeing! The website I had been drawn too indicated that the Black Panther was all about moving up to the next level. Of course there was a lot more amazing stuff I read that totally resonated to exactly where I was at that moment. A few years later when I got my wolf tattoo I was told in journey to create a Chakra Animal Totem class. At that time I did not know that there was an actual practice of finding your animal totem.
My personal experience with discovering my animal totem was more powerful than I could have ever imagined. It's not simply finding out which animal goes with which chakra. When we actively work with our animal totems they can provide healing, great insight and guidance along our journey. I was going to do a journey to find my root chakra spirit animal but it showed up before I even started. I said out loud "I wonder what my root chakra animal totem is?" and immediately had a vision of a black panther. I have learned over the years to not question what I see so I looked up Black Panther again but from a different source. Ted Andrews writes that the Black Panther is associated with the awakening of Kundalini energy (which resides in the root chakra) and stepping into your power! It also symbolizes a time of re-birth after a period of suffering and death on some level (I had been working to heal some very old stuff). Black Panther is also a symbol of awakening to a heroic quest! Mystery, passion and sensuality are also associated with Black Panther as well as mastery over all dimensions (shape-shifting). My guides had been teaching me about multiple dimensions for about a year. In order for animal medicine to work effectively we must honor our spirit animals with dance, prayer, communion, etc. For several days I called on Black Panther for help with healing. I honored her in the various ways mentioned above. I even imagined a long black tail emerge from my tailbone and walked around with it all day. That evening I had a very powerful dream that I was standing on a desert plateau. There were a large group of people standing in a circle with me. I heard a man say "Over a million animals have been killed in this very spot." I was completely heartbroken and felt anger towards humanity for not respecting all life. This is something that I have struggled with for most of my life. At that very moment I saw three animals approach the circle. One was a fox who locked eyes with me. I was screaming in my mind "Run away! You're in danger." The fox came to me and nuzzled up against my arm. I burst into tears because I could feel nothing but love and trust coming from this beautiful being. I woke up crying then immediately went to my Animal Speak book and this is the first line that jumped out at me. "A new world is opening up...The world is growing and shape-shifting itself into new patterns that will be beneficial." Fox also has similar messages to Black Panther such as shape-shifting and unlocking the Kundalini energy. By the way, I couldn't remember what the other two animals were and spirit said "They were for the others. The fox is for you."
I tell you this story as it shows the power of actually working with your Animal Totems, not just knowing who they are. Fox came to me in a dream to re-enforce Black Panther's message and to give me hope. Animals truly are great teachers and helpers. They are waiting for us to connect.
I recently was confronted with some old demons of mine when I returned to my hometown, where my son was born. I had just gone through a six month period of working 6-7 day work weeks. Some months I only had a day or two off! My son recently moved back to the town where he was born and I was excited to visit him. My intention was to chill, relax with my boy and do some hiking. I left all my tools (shaman drum, rattle, crystals, etc) at home. I was determined not to work! Little did I know that spirit had other plans in store for me! What followed was two days of seriously intense experiences that forced me to look at attitudes I had about myself that I thought I had left behind. First I was confronted with my feelings of lack and worth when I had booked myself into a low-budget hotel that was full of the energy of desperation. This brought up painful memories of many years ago. Later in the evening after a friends mom rescued me and let me crash on her couch I realized that I was in that state of desperation 27 years ago and how unworthy I felt. It suddenly occurred to me that I deserved compassion and love back then and those people in the hotel now, deserve the same. I blasted the hotel with Holy Fire Reiki, immediately went into a shaman trance and saw a younger version of myself sitting in the hotel (I had never been there before) feeling worthless and crying. I also drew all the Karuna Reiki symbols, bridging space and time to heal that part of myself that I had thought I had healed but was still buried deep within me. The feelings of pain and sorrow turned to peace and joy. I actually fell asleep during the vision. The very next day my son and I walked to the local coffee shop and on our way back I saw that my old high school just so happened to be directly across the street from the house that we were staying at! I was bullied terribly in high school and now here I was right across the street! It was very clear to me that spirit wasn't going to let me off the hook. It was like they were saying "Well, since you're here. Let's take care of some old stuff first, then you can have some fun." A few hours after I noticed the high school, my hosts' son brought out a box of glass from the basement that they were clearing. He said we could break the glass against the inside of the dumpster for fun. My son asked me if I wanted to try. I said "No, I don't really like the energy that's associated with destroying things." He said "Come on mom, you know you want to do it." I laughed and said OK. I took a piece of glass and threw it against the dumpster. He was right, it did feel good and it was fun. After breaking a few candle holders, I heard spirit say "Do it with intention!". I grabbed another piece of glass, said out loud "This is for all the painful experiences I've had across the street in that building!" then threw the glass. It didn't just break, it exploded into thousands of little pieces. My son yelled 'Wow!" When I grabbed another glass I thought of the hotel and said "This is for not believing that I'm worthy of anything good!" and threw the piece. That one also shattered into millions of pieces! My son said "Damn, Mom! You didn't throw those any harder than the others!" I turned around and yelled "See what happens when you do things with intention?!?!" He didn't respond. Later that night I heard you're not done yet then all the painful memories came flooding back of that horrible place. I put up my hand, called in the Holy Fire Reiki and blasted that building across the street with love. Again I saw a vision of my younger self in the hallways surrounded by kids saying horrible things to me. The memories were incredibly painful, as if I had been transported back in time. I saw the Holy Fire Reiki energy flowing through the school, healing myself and others. Again, a feeling of warmth and healing came over me as I sent myself Reiki and also filled the school. I did not realize it but there was a football game going on while this was happening. After I finished my healing session I heard the kids yelling and cheering then the fireworks started. Football is big in my home town and most of my good memories of my high school happened in the stadium. The timing was perfect and I smiled as I fell into a deep sleep. The very next morning I felt like a different person. I felt solid and big. I had been experiencing painful headaches for about a month, waking up with one every morning. After the second day of healing stuff from my past, the headaches stopped and so did my insomnia. I kept hearing the word "warrior!" throughout the rest of my trip and everywhere my son and I went we saw swords. There was even one in the coffee shop! Once my work was done I was able to relax and enjoy the time with my son, in the town he was born, 27 years ago. I've come a long way on this strange journey called life. Spirit knows what we need to heal. All we need to do is be open to that healing and follow the guidance. If I can do it, so can you!
A friend of mine asked me to assist her by doing a shaman journey to the source of her pain to remove any attachments that may be there. After preparing and setting up the space I laid on the couch and began my journey. I immediately was taken to her home several miles away and met up with my guides. Two of us led her spirit down into the ground and into a cave where we were met by an older native man. He began to pull stuff out of my friend and I was directed to send her Reiki healing. As soon as it was done I bowed and thanked the medicine man then began to walk my friend back to her body. Just then I felt a hand grab my arm and heard the wise man say "I'm not done with you yet." My guides told me they would direct her back so I sat down in her place. He proceeded to rub herbs over me then pulled out an attachment. He placed the severed rubbery rope-like thing in my hands and directed me to say the prayer. I began: "I no longer want you, you no longer want me." Immediately upon reciting those words I felt a presence standing next to the couch in this dimension, hovering over me and watching me intensely. His shadow actually blocked out the sun. Without opening my eyes I called out for all Intergalactic Beings of Love Light and Protection (I had no idea why I called on them as I had never done that before.) and boom, they were there! Lining the room they stood shoulder to shoulder. Giant beings of bright light and sharp features. Every one of them were staring at the shadowman that was standing over me. I looked back through the tunnel and saw myself sitting in the chair holding the chord and the wise man was waving for me to come back. I turned to look at the beautiful beings again and knew that if that shadowman even thought about jumping me they would be on him before he would know it. I went back to the room and the medicine man smiled at me and nodded. I continued on with the prayer, "I no longer need you, you no longer need me. Go in light, go in love and go in peace." As I finished the word peace, the shadowman disappeared.
My name is Melissa Ameika and I am a Reiki Master Teacher, Shaman & Metaphysical Counselor living in the desert southwest.
The Healing Center